


A Confession. Or Not.

by HungryLibrary



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, First posted to Tumblr, Useless Gays, fluff kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 13:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17408081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HungryLibrary/pseuds/HungryLibrary
Summary: Allura and Pidge have their own distinct ways of coming to terms with something that probably isn’t just a crush.Allura’s method involves scraping the bottom of the figurative barrel for the right words and enough courage to actually say them. Pidge decides to keep it simple. Hitting your head repeatedly on hard surfaces is a great way of solving matters of the heart, isn’t it?





	A Confession. Or Not.

“Pidge.”

Allura frowned. That might be too informal of a beginning for the conversation she wanted to have. Pidge had a tendency to brush things off, her default response being set to ‘sarcasm’, and Allura needed to make sure this was taken seriously. Very seriously. Because she was very serious about this.

“Pidge Gunderson.” She started over. “Paladin of the Green Lion…”

The words trailed awkwardly away.

Maybe that was a tad  _too_  serious.

They were friends, after all. It felt strange to use that level of formality on a girl she had recently chased through the Castle with a hairbrush, and then later, been chased  _back_  through the Castle by the gladiator drone said girl had hacked and reprogrammed in record time.

So. Less formal but still serious. As a Princess who had led one or two political missions before her planet and entire solar system were erased from existence, Allura thought she should be capable of figuring this out.

Probably.

She certainly hoped so anyway, because her only other recourse would be to ask Coran for romantic advice- A prospect that unsettled her more than her recurring nightmare of facing down the entire Galra fleet while armed with nothing more than a bowl of food goo.

Breathing deeply Allura clasped her hands before her and straightened her posture. She met her own gaze in the mirror, lifted her chin slightly- Confident, but not  _overly_ confident- And tried again.

“Pidge.” She said firmly. “There is an important matter we need to discuss- No.”

Allura cut herself off and frowned again. That didn’t sound right either.

“There is something important I would  _like_  to discuss with you.”

‘Discuss’ just made it sound too much like their usual strategy planning sessions. She didn’t want to give the wrong impression.

“Tell you. Explain, to you. Announce.”

None of it sounded right.

“… make known to you?”

_Quiznack._

Covering her face with one hand Allura let out a tired sigh.

This was far harder than it had any right to be.

Perhaps she should just be direct? Pidge was herself a very blunt person, maybe she would appreciate a bluntly honest approach.

Honestly, then.

“...”

Of course being honest with Pidge would require Allura to be honest with herself first.

So then, speaking honestly, what did she think of the Green Paladin?

“...I think you are wonderful.”

Allura felt her cheeks flare with heat even though no one else was in the room to hear. Just saying the words was enough to make her pulse quicken anxiously, she had no idea how she would manage this in front of an audience-

But she was, had been, Princess of Altea. The more difficult the job the more her training kicked in and commanded her to complete it. 

Gritting her jaw she lowered her hand and met her own gaze squarely as she plowed on.

“Certainly you are an exemplary Paladin and friend. Your endless determination is especially admirable, even if it does make you frustratingly stubborn at times.” 

Pidge would roll her eyes at this, ready to point out that the hypocrisy of _Allura_ accusing anyone else of being stubborn. Hurriedly Allura cut off the imagined Pidge before she could interrupt. 

“With you I never feel that I am getting anything less than your honest opinion- whether or not I want it.” 

Lately she had found herself wanting Pidge’s input more and more often, even in regards to things the Paladin had no experience in, which made absolutely  _no_  sense but always seemed to help Allura come to a decision she felt confident with. 

“And this in turn gives your compliments more weight than any others I have ever received.” 

Admitting that made Allura’s throat go dry. 

“... When they come from you, I know without a doubt that they are earnestly given and well deserved. You may not understand what a relief it is to have some certainty in the middle of all this madness, but you should at least know how much I appreciate it...”

It? Was that really all? Was she really just thanking Pidge for being a steady friend in the middle of a galactic war?

“... I appreciate it, and you.” Allura forced the words out one by one.

“I appreciate the honesty more than I would otherwise,  _because_  it comes from you.”

There. It was the truth.

It was also still stiff with the exact sort of formality that made Pidge scurry for the refreshments table at celebratory gatherings despite not knowing if any of the food was palatable for Eathians or even edible.

In short, it likely would not do. The approach was still wrong. 

She had to just get to the heart of the matter and say it. 

Allura stared helplessly at the girl reflected in the mirror. If it were Pidge before her instead of a mirror, what is it that she would really like to say…?

“I love-”

The word caught in her throat like a sharp piece of bone, almost making her choke.

Allura hastily backtracked.  

“That is, I  _like_  how brilliant you are with Hunk, fawning over every new piece of technology you see, and how silly you can be with Lance, causing mischief whenever the Castle becomes too quiet.” 

Yes, that was it. That was simple, honest, and direct. Allura heard her voice even out as she found her stride.

“You are so curious and passionate, and kinder than I ever expected. You took time in the middle of a  _war_  to learn a long dead language, willing sacrificing your little free time just so you could understand Coran’s ‘nonsense words’…”

Her reflection smiled. 

Though Pidge had not said as much, her true intention for learning Altean had fairly quickly become plain. 

“It was your plan from the beginning to give me a reason to talk about Altea for hours on end, wasn’t it?”

The day she realized that had been the day Allura finally gave in and admitted she had a more than friendly interest in one of the strangers who had fallen into her life. 

And the exotic way Altean rolled off of Pidge’s tongue hadn’t done anything to hurt Allura’s crush on her either. 

“I suppose you could have done that much as a friend. I imagine you thought you had given enough valid excuses for spending all those hours together- But the way you laughed at jokes and situations that had to be explained to you, how you listened as I told stories about people you will never meet... the look in your eyes during those moments, it was-” 

Beautiful.

“-so much more gentle than I have ever seen from you before.” Allura’s heart thrummed at the memory. 

“It is a side of you I want to see more of. A part of you I wish you would show more often, but at the same time, something I also wish I could keep secret, just between us.”

A selfish wish that Allura could not help. She laughed at herself, glancing down at the floor as she rubbed her hands together.

“Though we do already have Altean for that, don’t we? No one else here can understand us- Or dares to try, in Coran’s case.” 

Poor Coran had discovered Allura’s crush some time ago and, being of the opinion that no one with a hundredth of a brain would ever refuse his Princess, and also fairly certain that ‘Number Five’ had a brain of some sharpness, was convinced that any moment the two of them were speaking Altean could bring about a spontaneous and dramatic confession. 

He’d taken to plugging his ears and humming loudly whenever he heard the Castle’s translator being switched off, too chivalrous to dare risk overhearing such a potentially personal conversation.

Allura had shaken her head at him the first time and offered a confused Pidge as vague an explanation as she could.

And here she was now. Attempting to arrange words in a way that would let Pidge understand what she was feeling and mainly just succeeding in embarrassing herself. 

“You really have a beautiful accent when speaking Altean, by the way.” Allura heard herself babble suddenly.

“I know Coran’s odd reaction made you worry that you were offending his linguistic sensibilities, but your grasp of the syntax is nearly flawless and the manner in which you mispronounce words is as fascinating as it is enjoyable.” 

“It’s can also be very distracting, in a good way.” 

Oh dear Voltron just  _what_ was she saying!? 

“And I would very much like to kiss you. Someday. If you are amenable to that.”

…

Curling her hand into a fist Allura knocked herself on the forehead, face scrunching up from the mental agony of having had to listen to herself.

That... _that_  had been physically painful.

Zarkon would surrender before she would  _ever_  be able to say something like that without immediately wanting to throw herself out of an airlock. She was not Pidge. Being this blunt, when it involved something so personal, was beyond her. Or it was if she wanted to be able to look Pidge in the face when she confessed.

She needed to be less soul-baring. Simple, direct, heartfelt but not to the point of making her want to dissolve into sub-atomic particles on the spot.

Groaning Allura brought her arms, and fists, back down to her sides.

“I have a romantic interest in you.” She told the mirror flatly. 

No. She was back to being too formal.

“I like you?”

Better. Though somewhat ambiguous.

“I understand if you do not like me in the same fashion?”

Important and true, even if just saying it made her ache hollowly.

“I hope we can we still remain friends..?”

Would they, though. 

Coran might be confident, and Allura did not think she was wrong in believing Pidge felt some sort of attraction to her, but attraction did not necessarily indicate serious or romantic intentions. They were in the middle of trying to dismantle an empire. Pidge might not want to try balancing a relationship on top of fighting against Zarkon every other day. That would be perfectly understandable. 

Either way, whatever the exact answer might be, if Allura confessed it would be impossible to pretend she had not done so. 

And even if Pidge did her best to keep things from becoming awkward, the relationship between them would never be what it had been, what it was right now.... What Allura had fallen in love with. 

A hollow pain twisted sharply through her chest.

Blinking hard Allura took a moment to step back an actually look at the girl in the mirror.

She appeared badly shaken. Her dark skin had gone slightly ashen and her expression was one of quiet but barely contained fear. As Allura watched a tremor ran down the girl’s arms, forcing her fists to clench painfully tight, nails biting deep into calloused palm.

Her reflection looked nearly as terrible as she felt.

“…please.” Allura whispered the empty room. “ _Please_  let us still be friends after this...”

Perhaps she should start with that.

\-----

**\- Meanwhile, in a different part of the Castle –**

\-----

Thunk.

“I am too gay for this.”

Thunk.

“Too. Goddamn. Quiznacking.  _Gay._ ”

Thunk.

“A space princess.” Pidge muttered, lifting her head off her Lion’s paw only to let it fall again with another dull ‘thunk’. 

“Why did it have to be a space princess? Why did it have to be  _her?_  The entire fucking galaxy to fall in love with and I pick the one girl who is way out of my league, statistically unlikely to be interested, and too busy leading a rebellion to risk distracting!”

Thunk. Thunk.  _Thunk._

The Green Lion let out a growl and bent down to look at her Paladin.

With a groan Pidge flopped backwards among her scattered tools, abandoning the attempt to beat the hopeless gay thoughts out of her head.

It hadn’t been working anyway. Actually, the impacts to her frontal lobes just reminded her of that last sparring match with Allura, which had left her with a slight concussion and the realization that she had a thing for having the shit friendlily beaten out of her by beautiful girls she was crushing on.

Or she assumed she had a thing for that. Maybe she just had a thing for pretty much everything Allura did?

Allura locking the training drone on ‘high’ and then locking the five of them in the training room with it? 

Hot and slightly terrifying.

Allura watching with genuine fascination as Hunk tried to turn alien ingredients into edible food? 

Adorable as hell.

Allura taking the time to explain some finer points of the Castle inner workings while she effortlessly de-bugged it? 

Biggest turn on of the millennium. Also, really appreciated.  

Allura catching her eye and flashing Pidge  _that_  smile? Allura using that smile as a cue and switching to Altean mid-sentence just to rile up Lance, who thought them having a ‘secret code’ was totally unfair? 

Incredible. A work of art. Could definitely be weaponized.

Allura beaming, sometimes even laughing, when Pidge took the hint and answered back in Altean?

_Literally breathtaking._

As in, just remembering the moment was enough to make Pidge’s breath come whooshing out, heart hammering as if she was in the middle of a battle instead of lying flat on her back like some helpless gay turtle.

She stared blankly up at her Lion.

“… I learned a whole skizing language just to make her smile.”

Green tilted her head, clearly even more worried than before. A low rumble echoed through the hanger bay.

“It’s fine.” Pidge reassured her reflexively. “I’m fine. I’m dealing with it. I can deal.”

Giant mecha cats couldn’t make facial expressions, no matter how amazing they were otherwise, but Green still managed to look unconvinced. Though that could have just been Pidge’s Paladin bond cuing her in.

That same bond also meant that lying to her Lion was pretty useless.

Pidge rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t say it was easy or fun, okay? But it’s doable. It has to be if I don’t want to slip up and ruin everything- And by everything I mean  _everything_.” She said pointedly, already feeling the ghost of a laugh bubbling up in Green.

“Like, potentially throw a wrench in the entire damn rebellion just cause I have a crush on an amazing girl who happens to be the last princess of Altea. So, you know.”  

Bringing her hands together she laced her fingers and stretched until every last joint had cracked or popped to mildly painful satisfaction.

“-No pressure, right? Just gotta pine quietly. I can do that. As a lesbian, I’m practically licensed to do that.”

Pidge let her hands fall onto her stomach, still locked together.

She tried not to imagine what it would be like to hold hands with Allura.

She failed.

“Fuck.” Pidge groaned, pushing up her glasses so she could press the heels of her hands against her aching forehead. “Having a crush is  _such_.  _Bullshit._ ”

It really was. But she still wouldn’t trade the feeling for all the worlds in the universe.


End file.
